I'm Still Here

I don't usually like to get too sentimental on my blog, I feel that it's kind of an in-person privilege, but I took a plane ride with Jamie this weekend and I feel a need to share. I was listening to my ipod on the plane and when Nicotine's version of Don't Look Back in Anger came on I felt the loss of him all over again. Looking around I saw that without noticing I had worn almost exactly the same clothes as I did to his funeral. The man sitting next to me not only was a little brown, but was wearing a green jacket that was so similar to my friend's that I almost broke down before the drinks were handed out. And then Phantom Planet came on and I relived the moments we would rock out to them in his car. It's honestly the first time that I have felt that Jamie was truly with me since he died. How fitting that it would be in a plane. I miss so much of our friendship, not the least of which is singing to our songs. But I really long to just laugh with him again, and to have an easy conversation with him. I think he lit up every life that he touched. He was like a torch in my life and when it went out I didn't know what to do with the darkness so I ignored it. But that night, feeling that light again, I realized how dark it has been. No one is like Jamie. It's like I'm starving and nothing can satiate the craving. I feel at home in Chinese restaurants, I have no qualms about playing my music loudly, and I have a liberated gnome, all because of him. There's just no way to hang out with him again in this life, it's a loss I can't comprehend. I don't know how to start. He was my soul-friend, and now part of his soul is elsewhere and I can't reach him. I know he's still around, I know I'll see him again, but that knowledge is minimally comforting when all I want is to talk to him, right now.

But, I guess the bright side to all of this is that I think I'm finally starting to heal. I've accepted the fact that he's dead (man that was hard to write) and although not a huge portion of my daily activities were changed with his loss, I can still move on. I guess I'm having a delayed reaction to all of this, but it's better than feeling like I was missing some essential emotions (which I kind of have been until now). What I'm trying to say is that I'm glad I am human, but still missing Jamie.

Clash of the Titans

The battle for the wide world has been set in motion.

The moment to choose sides has arrived.

There will be only one survivor.

The question that remains is: are you an Apple or a Google?

Personally, I'm torn. I feel a deep loyalty to Google because of a longstanding agreement on our collective awesomeness, yet Apple brought the sexy back into the geek world, a feat that I am acutely grateful for. The gauntlet (to my memory) was thrown when the Android phones started outselling iPhones and now Google is about to surpass its coolness with the integration of TV. But a secret part of me wants to embrace the hipster lifestyle and be too cool for open software platforms. How am I to choose between boss-hood and a judgement seat?

It seems inevitable that one of these companies will try to take over the world, I just don't know which I want to have Brain on their side...

Opulence, I Has It.